This is a pic of our house in TX and our first and only garage sale. Where we scored. But that's not what this is about, this is the only pic I could easily find and I just feel like writing instead of looking on archives for our good pic of it. Yes, we have one really awesome one for our sale. Anyway, Josh is in Houston on business today and I begged and BEGGED him to go to our old house and try to make his way inside to see it. You see, on his last business trip there I did the same thing and he went, but he only looked at the outside. I was so crushed because I was dying to know what the inside looked like. I have literally had multiple dreams wondering what it's like inside and me visiting it and things either being the same or drastically different and my emotions all over the place when I wake up.
Clearly I have some attachment to it. I just put my heart and soul into that place, it was our first home and I painted each room as many times as I changed my major. Or in the case of the kitchen, 12 (including stripping wall paper as one of the times). And you thought me taking family pictures twice was a bit much. I'm not necessarily a perfectionist, but I don't like it when I have an idea in my head and then things don't work out when I know I can try again. And I tried and tried with this house, so many times and finally, with the move, it forced me to whip it into shape and I loved it. Not all of it, some things I would never love, like the black and gold fireplace, but you know, loved it as a whole.
When Josh called tonight, I went into a frenzy asking him if he was able to visit (he'd said he wasn't sure if he could, didn't have a car, tight schedule, etc.,) and he was teasing me by dragging it and saying it was late, and dark and he felt bad knocking, etc. I was dying with anticipation, and he kept laughing. Finally he said he was able to get in and I held my breathe, TELL ME! What was it like??? Was the living room still orange? I didn't say anything for a while. Finally he said, "It didn't look like they'd painted anything..." I don't know why exactly, but I let my breath out in a sort of amazing relief.
After all the people who had come into our house saying it was so bright and colorful (and sorta in a way like, "I'd paint right over it"), I figured they would paint it all to beige like it was when we moved in. Maybe the day after they moved in. But it's been 2.5 years and they haven't painted a room. I was just thinking of our giant orange room when he said that, but then he said, "They even left your mural!" And then I lost it, I just started balling and balling my eyes out and I couldn't stop. And I hardly ever cry, I've even been annoyed in recent years when I'm overwhelmed that I can't seem to cry because it feels so good to let it out, but I shocked myself and couldn't stop crying.
I can't exactly put my finger on why this was such a big deal to me, but it was our first home, it's where we had two babies, planted fruit trees--that are thriving now, painted and painted and learned how to decorate in my style a little. It's the home where I went through so many personal times of growth and change and trials and friendships. Where I learned about how to have a family, be a mom and wife, a homemaker. And when Josh mentioned the mural I'd painted for the baby room it just hit me in a really tender way of all of that, starting with my babies being there. I was sure that would be painted over as fast as I painted over the last family's dog mural on the same wall. They don't have kids, so I imagine they'll paint over it eventually, but it was so powerful to know that all my hard work and emotions and memories were somehow being preserved there because they left it all. And for so long.
I expected it to all be erased and I was just curious what they'd done with it. Esp the big orange room since we'd had so many comments on it. I somehow felt validated and crazy grateful when he said it was the same. I wasn't sure why I couldn't stop crying and what I was feeling and then it hit me, I missed it. Duh, I missed it. But you see, whenever people have asked me if I miss TX, I have ALWAYS said, "No! I miss the people, but the weather was so hot..." In the beginning I suppose I said I missed the house too, but I haven't really missed it or cried over our move or felt a longing to go back yet, and it's been 2.5 years. So this was the first time I felt all those emotions, and it was cathartic, but really annoying too. I hate feeling pain, I know it's good and it means I had good times there, but it's hard to want to go back and live that part of my life again for a little while and know it's not possible. I'm guessing that's the sort of feeling a lot of parents feel when their kids leave the home. I'm glad I'm experiencing a taste of it now so I can more fully appreciate my every day.
One other thing it reminds me to do is to make our house a home, NOW, not when we move. We never hung pictures until right before we moved because I didn't know where to put them or what to put, and I loved that at least some things were hung at the end. I need to do that now!
Here is a post I did before we moved and pics of our home.
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It's Sunday evening and I'm just enjoying a moment to myself and I realized that it's my 100th post! All I can think about is how nice it is to sit and have a cup of chamomile tea, have made two batches of cookies (and eaten about half the dough) and actually be on the internet relaxing. I think I might even have a chance to look at some friends blogs. But then again, Josh and I need to look at CA housing, can't get too carried away you know.
Clearly I have some attachment to it. I just put my heart and soul into that place, it was our first home and I painted each room as many times as I changed my major. Or in the case of the kitchen, 12 (including stripping wall paper as one of the times). And you thought me taking family pictures twice was a bit much. I'm not necessarily a perfectionist, but I don't like it when I have an idea in my head and then things don't work out when I know I can try again. And I tried and tried with this house, so many times and finally, with the move, it forced me to whip it into shape and I loved it. Not all of it, some things I would never love, like the black and gold fireplace, but you know, loved it as a whole.
When Josh called tonight, I went into a frenzy asking him if he was able to visit (he'd said he wasn't sure if he could, didn't have a car, tight schedule, etc.,) and he was teasing me by dragging it and saying it was late, and dark and he felt bad knocking, etc. I was dying with anticipation, and he kept laughing. Finally he said he was able to get in and I held my breathe, TELL ME! What was it like??? Was the living room still orange? I didn't say anything for a while. Finally he said, "It didn't look like they'd painted anything..." I don't know why exactly, but I let my breath out in a sort of amazing relief.
After all the people who had come into our house saying it was so bright and colorful (and sorta in a way like, "I'd paint right over it"), I figured they would paint it all to beige like it was when we moved in. Maybe the day after they moved in. But it's been 2.5 years and they haven't painted a room. I was just thinking of our giant orange room when he said that, but then he said, "They even left your mural!" And then I lost it, I just started balling and balling my eyes out and I couldn't stop. And I hardly ever cry, I've even been annoyed in recent years when I'm overwhelmed that I can't seem to cry because it feels so good to let it out, but I shocked myself and couldn't stop crying.
I can't exactly put my finger on why this was such a big deal to me, but it was our first home, it's where we had two babies, planted fruit trees--that are thriving now, painted and painted and learned how to decorate in my style a little. It's the home where I went through so many personal times of growth and change and trials and friendships. Where I learned about how to have a family, be a mom and wife, a homemaker. And when Josh mentioned the mural I'd painted for the baby room it just hit me in a really tender way of all of that, starting with my babies being there. I was sure that would be painted over as fast as I painted over the last family's dog mural on the same wall. They don't have kids, so I imagine they'll paint over it eventually, but it was so powerful to know that all my hard work and emotions and memories were somehow being preserved there because they left it all. And for so long.
I expected it to all be erased and I was just curious what they'd done with it. Esp the big orange room since we'd had so many comments on it. I somehow felt validated and crazy grateful when he said it was the same. I wasn't sure why I couldn't stop crying and what I was feeling and then it hit me, I missed it. Duh, I missed it. But you see, whenever people have asked me if I miss TX, I have ALWAYS said, "No! I miss the people, but the weather was so hot..." In the beginning I suppose I said I missed the house too, but I haven't really missed it or cried over our move or felt a longing to go back yet, and it's been 2.5 years. So this was the first time I felt all those emotions, and it was cathartic, but really annoying too. I hate feeling pain, I know it's good and it means I had good times there, but it's hard to want to go back and live that part of my life again for a little while and know it's not possible. I'm guessing that's the sort of feeling a lot of parents feel when their kids leave the home. I'm glad I'm experiencing a taste of it now so I can more fully appreciate my every day.
One other thing it reminds me to do is to make our house a home, NOW, not when we move. We never hung pictures until right before we moved because I didn't know where to put them or what to put, and I loved that at least some things were hung at the end. I need to do that now!
Here is a post I did before we moved and pics of our home.
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It's Sunday evening and I'm just enjoying a moment to myself and I realized that it's my 100th post! All I can think about is how nice it is to sit and have a cup of chamomile tea, have made two batches of cookies (and eaten about half the dough) and actually be on the internet relaxing. I think I might even have a chance to look at some friends blogs. But then again, Josh and I need to look at CA housing, can't get too carried away you know.
We have been BUSY this month. I was in Ohio with the girls, then Josh's mom came to help us for a week while he studied for the bar, they left the same day, then I finished up getting the house ready and finally putting it up on the market last Wednesday--hooray! Now that he's done with the bar exam (hoping he passed) and I'm done getting the house ready, we have a huge wave of relief and semi-relaxation.
Almost anyway. Keeping the house spotless any time we leave the house has made me want to be a homebody so we don't have to do a cleaning blitz if I want to walk to the park or get groceries. Pretty annoying and it's only been a few days.
I've neglected most parts of my life while trying to get this house ready, so here's to coming back to life! In this new life I commit to being a better mom who spends more time playing with my kids instead of working working working on the home. I'm so excited about this!
Here is our home listing. While I'm not a fan of the pics, our realtor just wanted to get something up. I took some new ones including the bedroom pic that's up and hope to get those up soon instead. Hoooooray! Here are my pics:
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This is our living room--I promise we had two realtors come over and BOTH said to leave it orange, not like "it's okay to leave orange" but suggesting we don't paint it...we'll see.
This is my office (I'll be so sad to leave this) and guest room.
I love my NYC pics and fun clearance Martha Stewart wrapping paper.
This is Hazelnut's room. Sad to leave it too. Okay, sad to leave all my rooms. Why didn't I get things hung on the wall before we're moving?
Poor City sleeps in our closet. We tried them together for a week and nobody slept. And the room just looked cluttered with a pack and play in it.
Our love shack. And diaper station in the baskets. Guess you gotta have a little reality to the love shack.
Party room.
Boring kitchen, but awesome backsplash (which we did after painting the old one three different times). I need to get a bouquet of flowers or something. This place used to be bright green so it feel pretty naked and that's an awkward feeling.
The only color in here.
Ta da! Now we can enjoy it for a month:).Q: What's your favorite room?
Q: Honestly, not looking to change anything else because it sounds like a pain, but we're open to suggestions if it would help: What do you think we should change to sell?
7 comments:
Your home misses you too! Namely me. :)
But seriously, it's been a hard year for me because yet again, a ton of people have moved. And mostly they were families I wasn't expecting to go. Sometimes it's hard to see everyone moving on and still be here. But I just have to remember that even though the heat has been insufferable this summer, Texas is a wonderful place to raise a family and Shane is getting an extraordinary education. One day, even though that day seems so far away, I know I'll move away and miss this place that's grown so much to feel like home. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.
Your house was/is beautiful and I'm sure you've done tremendously great things to your current house. But we still miss you!
Oh, Texas houses. So big. So cheap.
You should see my aunt's house. She wasn't afraid to use color, either. I'd like to see some pictures of your current house. I think it's so cute.
It's fun because I totally remember your house and painting your room with you and then you ended up painting it a slightly different color in the end - I remember being so impressed that you would repaint it after working so hard already!
I totally understand that feeling of attachment to a place. I felt the same way with the Northeast - it's where I became a mother, raised my two kids, 'grew up' together in my marriage with Christopher. It was so hard to leave. Now that I am a homeowner, I totally understand that attachment to an actual home. I think knowing that they kept all the things you did probably also felt like validation and an acceptance of you personally as well, since your soul is kind of painted on those walls - and they didn't see fit to cover it up.
Anyway, so fun to hear your thoughts. I've always loved how bold you are with color! Sometimes when I'm putting on my makeup I'll think of how one time you said something about how I didn't always make the best use of color - or that I could do more (you said it nicely, it's coming out wrong in typed form, it didn't hurt my feelings or anything), anyway, I'll think to myself, "That's it, I'm putting on purple eye shadow!" =)
Oh, and I know how you feel about crying - it totally annoys me when I cry - and to this day one of the most annoying crying episodes I've ever had was at 4am with you at that Bollywood thing! I was such a baby!! Christopher still teases me about that...I think I was so overwhelmed with a million things and the lack of sleep just made it all come out...I guess there's no one else I'd rather be so embarrassed in front of (other than Christopher, or a sister)! =)
Ok, marathon comment ending now!
p.s...I should clarify. When I'm pregnant I cry all the time, so I get annoyed when I cry, but when I'm not pregnant I rarely cry, so it sometimes annoys me that I don't cry (like when I say goodbye to family and I know I won't see them for awhile and they're crying...etc...). Anyway, so that should make more sense with my comment. =)
i think that's sweet of you afton. of course you're attached!! moving out of this house will be hard for us - we've been in it 7 yrs. this December! SO many memories, we've had THREE kids here, we've made it exactly the way we want it (with more changes to come soon, hehe!). so i know what you mean.
when i started my 2nd yr. at BYU, my freshman roommate and i wanted to go back to our dorm room just to see what it looked like - the two girls living there actually were so nice and let us in. it was so sad to see it completely different with no trace of us at all. but what were we expecting?? it was such a weird experience, thinking that time and life moves on, and we do too. but that is so wonderful that much of your house is the same! that would make me happy too. :)
I love that you all understand :). Loni, I want to make sure I said this earlier, I always told people we missed the wonderful people and our friends, but not the heat. That definitely meant you! Alicia, thanks for painting and decorating when you were sick and pregnant, that was so fun to get to have you for a few days. I appreciate your validating comments too, you have a way with words! You're right, it did sort of feel like I painted my soul on those walls in a way. And I love that we had that Bollywood night together :). Michelle, you should have seen my house before we painted the kitchen and family room to tone it down for the sale--lime green and bright torqouise. Sounds like I'd be friends with your aunt. Julie, I'm glad I'm not the only one that had the same hopes and would have had the same disappointment if it had all been removed. I've thought when I've lived in different places-esp dorm rooms, about how many memories were made in the same rooms and I know nothing about them, but they're probably treasured times. Makes me really want to make good use of our time in each place so we have wonderful memories to look back on.
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