Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Help Helping Me Settle

My little sister, "Uncle Tina," has come into town to save the day. She's been here almost two weeks and she's been a tremendous help. For the week before she came, I was feeling totally emotionally unstable and overwhelmed with so many things. I just didn't know how on earth this baby could come into our little life the way things were going.

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was thinking about this pregnancy vs my other ones. For some reason I've just been feeling unsettled from the beginning. I'm not sure I've told anyone this, not for any particular reason, but I took a couple of pregnancy tests that turned up positive and waited a day or two to tell Josh because I needed some time to adjust to the idea. It was a month before I was planning on being pregnant so I just felt unprepared...may sound silly, but that's sort of been the underlying feeling of this journey.

And then I found out it's a boy. While I fell head over heals for a man and wouldn't want to live with anyone else, that is definitely not the same as knowing what it will be like to raise a son. I'm from a family of 6 daughters, no brothers. I had tons of girls for roommates that I loved. I haven't had a great track record with guys growing up--plenty of creeps and jerks along the way that really tarnished my view of guys and put me into a feminist spin.

When I found out it was a boy it took me a while to figure out why I was so uncomfortable with it and I realized that in large part I think it's because I'll have to vote for the other team, I'll have to see the guys side from boy to manhood in a more protective way. I can't have the "ra ra girls!" attitude I had growing up if I have boys to raise.

And then Josh made a good point. By having a boy, I can raise the kind I wished were around me growing up, so here's to raising awesome boys!

Then there's the house. Ah, the house. Since we had house problems from day one (literally), we had been working on the renovation and putting things back together until I got sick and pregnant. The problem is that we never really moved in because of it, we just kept shuffling things around, so once I finally felt well enough, I've gone a bit crazy trying to get things moved in for the first time. So the projects are endless.

Last night I was feeling overwhelmed again and Josh asked how he could help and what I wanted to get done and he said, "You realize you have a funny sense of what needs to be done before the baby comes right?" And no, frankly, I hadn't thought it was crazy, but maybe he's on to something.

I told my mom and Josh (separately) two weeks that I didn't think I would have a baby when I felt so unready and if the baby were to come that I thought Heavenly Father would help me feel ready. They both laughed when I told them. Ah ha, but who's laughing now! I feel like I willed this baby to stay in me and he has...and I've been saying my prayers.

Having my sister come has been incredibly helpful in helping me feel more settled. She's been working most of the time she's been here. She just graduated college and doesn't have a job yet, so timing-wise it's working out great for me, but she could totally be doing things besides slave labor if you know what I mean.

She has been cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, helping with the kids, always asking what she can do to help, it's been amazing. I don't know what I would have done without her. She's helped so much, even if it's just in giving me emotional energy to help me feel more uplifted and ready to work myself. And lets not forget the the many head massages...she knows I love those and my head will miss her when she's gone.

So here we are, on my due date, and I've decided that I'll tell the baby that after today, he's welcome to come when he wants. Call me crazy, but it worked with Felicity.

Q: What helps you feel more ready before a baby?

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Forrest thought my nesting "to do" list was crazy too. Why did every baby shirt need to be washed and ironed before he came? Still, it was important to me for some reason. So I did it. I think they come when it's their time, and we just make room. You're an awesome mom, and I'll raise a glass to the toast of raising awesome boys! Heaven help us!

Amy said...

A few months before I had my first child, I was feeling overwhelmed at my crazy to-do list, when a friend gave me some advice that hit like a revelation. She said, "Amy, after you have the baby, you can still go to the store. They'll still take your money. If you find you need something, just go to Target." As always, Target saved the day.

And hooray for helpful sisters!

Gary said...

So did I fall into the creep or jerk category? Wah wah waaaah.

A: Nothing. So far, anyway.

Autumn said...

That's a good point, you'll definitely have to root for the other side. I had a dream 2 night ago that he was born, but I guess he's definitely loyal to you, and not his due date. Censored. HA!! Yeah I think Jake would require the same.

Alicia said...

Oh, Afton!! Good luck in the coming days/hours! I'm so glad that your sister is there, that's AWESOME!

I totally understand the need to have everything done - I got pregnant a year earlier than expected with this one and feel the same way about not being able to move in the way I have wanted to because of nausea/exhaustion (although my nausea/throwing up is not as bad as yours). I'm starting to get that frantic "oh my goodness, I have so much to do in the next few weeks!" feeling. Anyway, I hope you are feeling peaceful and ready!

I can't wait to see how you feel about your baby boy once he's actually here. I'm sure it will be an adjustment, but that's ok, you'll have your own personal and unique relationship with this little boy.