Friends

This is Hazel with two of her friends (also cousins).

Last night I got to talk to Alicia, one of my dear friends on the other side of the country (which is way too far). It was all about buying houses since that's what they're doing, but I loved that we could just pick up and talk about buying houses and everything is as though we'd just been hanging out all week when it's been much too long since we've talked.

I went to sleep full of very happy thoughts of friendship. I was pretty wiped out (Hazel learned that phrase last night and has been used it a lot and again tonight a lot. Poor girl! But really cute.) but I enjoyed letting myself think of my friends and who they are and what they do for me.

I have a draft on friendship that I meant to post a while ago, but basically, I was agreeing with lots of other friends that we don't feel like we have a lot of close friends. What would I do if I really needed to talk to a friend? Sometimes I come up with a much too short a list and sometimes no list since I don't think I invest the time I should into friendships.

It seems to me that growing up and in college you have endless amounts of friends, there is always socializing and talking all night long with roommates or sisters and once you get married, you share all your thoughts with your husband (who may be requesting that you make some girl friends after he hears the third round of decorating ideas). But it also seems that girls (I really dislike the word "women," it sounds so old) tend to be less open once married with other girls, less affectionate and a little more guarded. That could be that people are just more secure since they're usually older so they have less to say or have less of a need for a shoulder to cry on or it's because they just go their husbands. Anyway, I'm tired of it and I want nice, open and affectionate friendships, so here's to me investing more in my friendships!

I've realized in the past little while that although I might not have a lot of close friends, you don't have to have a lot of close friends. Having an assortment of friends with different perspectives and interests and meshing styles with your own have a lot of benefit. I didn't used to know who I could call if I needed help when I first moved here, but it's over a year later and I don't have the same problem.

Today I needed help with my girls and my friend watched them so I could organize. Then I had another friend come help me hang shelves, which ended up to be pretty important since it looks like I would have done a fine job of messing things up on my own. AND, she brought me a pair of pants that were too long for her--how's that for a perk? Friends with benefits! My new visiting teacher who I don't know very well yet asked if she could come by tomorrow to bring me cupcakes--that's an insta-friend in my book.

Last Saturday I ran a 10K. A couple of friends' husbands watched my girls for me and invited me out to dinner to celebrate with their families. I had an offer from another friend who had had me and my kids over for dinner the night before to come help me put the kids to bed since she figured that had to be hard to do alone and then have a girls night--so sensitive to my needs, if only I didn't have to prepare sharing time that night I totally would've taken her up on it!

Then Rachael, another one of my dear friends I grew up wrote me today asking for running advice and I felt the same as I did on my phone call last night with Alicia. I happened to find an old photo album full of pics of us and our other close friends and a photo shoot we did in high school and I fell in love with my missing friends again.

It was so fun to reconnect with good friends that really know you and know some of your past and what makes you tick. And then I got a comment from one of my dear roommates who I loved and also would love to hang out with, like every day. Why don't these people live in my neighborhood?

And then there are some friends that I know we'd be great friends if only we lived closer and some I just need to put the effort into. I have a friend in San Fran that I haven't seen since moving here and we worked/lived together one summer at Philmont and she is totally cool, but just haven't gotten together yet because of my lame self. And then I have friends in Berkley who I haven't seen yet either. I have some I just never spent enough time with and we've since moved away from each other--gosh, what was so important that I didn't do things with my friends?

I'm now committing myself to be a better friend and to make more of an effort because I need friends and I love friends and I miss my friends that aren't near, like my sisters. I didn't realize while growing up that that was such a precious time to all be together, every day. Why did I fight so much? But the fun we had too. It's sorta weird to me that we can't or don't all live near each other, almost doesn't seem right to not live near your family.

There is a story about Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy that I read to Hazel today and it's about friends and asks, "Do you have a friend?" Hazel thought and said, "City." I loved it, how perfect. They sure know how to push each other's buttons, but they are best friends and I hope that never changes.

So thank you for being my friend! (come on, sing it with me!) and here is also to slowing down and enjoying my family and friends more.

Q: Do you think friendship changes once people get married? And not so much past friendships, but making new friends?

Q: What have you done with a friend lately?

Q: Do you find it hard to make time for friends?