Guilt and everything else on my mind.

I just feel too behind to get on here. There is so much that I want to write about and feel like I'm already skipping so many thoughts, why bother, I'm too far behind. Not like it matters to anyone else, but I'd really like to keep up my thoughts and questions on here because I'd love to make a little book of them to sort of map out my time in life, so I'm plagued by guilt.

Procrastination is torture! I don't have endless amounts of time or maybe I'd actually be more consistent, but maybe I wouldn't, maybe I'd still find a way to procrastinate, because I probably could. Here are a few things that I wanted to write about but just haven't forced myself to sit down and do it--usually because I want to include pics and those darn things just take forever to download.

Not in any kind of order:

* Hazel went to urgent care, the pediatrician, then the ER within two days, in that order and at the request of nurses and my Dr. She threw up for 4 days straight and was super dehydrated. She has also said it hurts to go to the bathroom ever since potty training a few months ago (I thought she was just trying to get out of it...oops).

Ends up she didn't have a kidney infection like the symptoms suggested, she was just so filled up with #2 that it pressed on her bladder--causing the pain--and pushed up on her stomach causing her to throw everything up since there wasn't any room in there. After pumping her full of IV and fiber drinks mixed with some anti-nausea meds, she's much much better and I'm thrilled checking out the toilet these days. Let me tell you, it's impressive what Mira Lax can do.

* Our house. Oh our house. Here is what I wrote on facebook:
A poem: We bought a house in CA, it was built in '51, found a leak in our kitchen, that brought a little fun. First the floors were torn up, they needed airing out, only to find mold, which quarantined half our house. When the fun was over, asbe...stos showed it's face, but not just in our kitchen, it was all over the place. Warning signs put up, kicked out of our house, all the floors gone, concrete remains. I tried:).

We planned to remodel the kitchen eventually anyway, so we're working on the designs for that. I would have loved having any input on this since it's been consuming all my thoughts. Hope it turns out well!

*I decided during mile 2 of the Boston Marathon this year that I was quiting running, I was totally quiting, I was going to finally do what I love--aerobics! You can pretty much just dance hard for an hour with a bunch of people, have a great time and a great workout. Then Josh asked if I wanted to do the St. George Marathon together. The temptation to get a better time was too much, so I agreed secretly hoping we wouldn't get in. I roped my sister into it who hadn't ever run more than a couple of miles, and that wasn't current. We got in.

Josh blew his knee, and now it's just me and my sister. Then I hurt my back, and then it was maybe just my sister--who was sort of doing me a favor. Well, still planning to run I decided since it doesn't seem to affect the back, but Tina and I are just going to walk/jog it leisurely. I'm trying to convince Josh to join us--it's a full 7 weekends away, no problem right?

*Gripes:
- My back. I hurt it a month ago but not sure how exactly, thought it was a pinched nerve, still could be I suppose. It hurts to bend, lift pretty light objects--and my kids aren't proving to be very light. I stopped running for a couple of weeks, didn't do any good. Hurts to sit, do just about anything, so I picked up running again.
- Not being in better touch with my friends. I miss them, from all over the place and times in my life.
- Having our furniture stock piled in our bedrooms and porch. Where is___? Fill in the blank. Good luck finding it.
- Josh's knee. He hurt it a couple of months ago and had to pull out of the marathon we were doing pretty much for him. Very very disappointing.
- Not knowing a good Dr. around here. Sure there are some, just don't know who.
- Medical bills with a high deductible insurance plan.
- House design woes. Are my ideas really so crazy? Possibly...
- Living too far away from family.
- My kids not really having many friends yet.
- Not having a home where we can have people over to get to know them (hopefully by Christmas!)
- To Do Lists--like oil changes in cars, selling our old dryer, figuring out what the funny smell in our fridge is, sweeping off the painful little things that fall from our tree so my kids can walk outside, doing dishes with a leaky sink and no disposal, thinking of what to make for dinner without a great place to bake (remember our kitchen is only semi-functioning)
-Having all of our food in our garage, Josh's office, storage, etc.

My blessings:
- The weather here is fabulous, I love how it gets so crisp and cool at night.
- Music, I love music. I played some disco music for our "health and workout" night for FHE and it was so fun.
- Dancing. I love to dance, but I almost get the same pleasure from watching my girls dance, they rock out without inhibitions, I love LOVE that!
- Reading, ahh how I miss it. But I still like the possibility of it again someday instead of just design books--which have there place of course, but variety is nice.
- Getting to actually create a kitchen that I will want--so nice!
- Color, it just really brightens my day in a very literal sense. I can't get enough of it.
- Happy cashiers. I seem to be more blessed with these recently, possibly because I'm so tired by the time I arrive I just don't look like someone who needs grumpy. Who knows, but I've had surprising luck with some really nice ones recently.
- My girls. Yeah yeah, we all love our kids. But really, I do, and they really do make me happy even if a little crazy sometimes. They teach me and help me laugh and interest me. I love having such pure spirits in the home.
- Josh. My husband who never fails to work hard. He works hard for me and for our girls. Doesn't ever seem to take time for himself these days, just trying to get by getting everything done. Very selfless and possibly undervalued by others (according to a little personality quiz Tina and I made him take this week:). But true!
- Visitors, like Tina, so nice to have family and guests to look forward to.
- Living in a cool area with lots to do. Like the story time here--it's awesome! They sing a ton and get the kids moving, and it's free! I love free!
- Our farmers market, it's the perfect quaint size with great baked goods and samples. I'm even learning some self-control in my sampling.
-Podcasts.
- Church callings. I was just called as the RS instructor for the 4th week lessons. I'm a little intimidated in this ward, but excited too. Josh just got called to a seriously ironic and hilarious job which I'll announce once it's official. Very excited for him.
-Having a house. Had to say it.
- Comfortable clothes that don't look totally homely. Not that I have many of them, but it's nice to wear something you don't have to alter much to wear easily.
- Sales, on anything for the home since we seem to be in the market.

There, is my blessings list longer than my gripes? I hope so. Although I could keep going on both, I'd better go wash my comforter for the 4TH time. Hazel jumped on my bed (white) today with her red sippy cup (full of fiber of course) and it spilled, ugh. It was Pottery Barn, 70% off, but still. I put bleach in and that seems to have had a bad relationship with the juice because it turned the spots into giant orange/gold splotches.

Hope you don't have the same guilt of things left on your list of to-do's. Maybe I'll sleep better tonight having gotten some things off my chest!

Q: How do you keep in touch with your friends you've moved away from? How regularly and how much time do you invest in it to keep it strong?
Q: What's your biggest gripe and blessing right now?
Q: Would you like to go through remodeling your kitchen and all that annoyances that go with it or are you okay with it?