I am Womyn: Feminist Follow Up

This is my fridge. My forever "to do" list that is nice and cluttered with what to buy (there is another list next to it with a whole other list of things that have been there for over a year, pathetic I know) with my prominently placed favorite post card. Well, one of my favorite collection from this company. It's sort of what I picture on Friedan's fridge as a statement of sarcasm and her whole point of her "Feminine Mystique Book." I just get a kick out of it. But sometimes it really is paradise in the kitchen. One of my favorite things is this: (she's not really drugged here) And this.

My sister Jill asked me once during my femy stage if I spelled "woman" "womyn." I thought it was a good idea if it didn't look so weird. But like I said, I grew out of that stage. In high school this is the set up that helped me form my feminist opinions:

I was pinched, grabbed, called at, had sicko's tell me sicko things in the halls of high school, the bus, wherever. I'd usually punch whoever it was if I could get to them fast enough, and I even went through a fairly long spell of kicking guys in the crotch for doing or saying mean things to me.

One kid and I had this horrible ongoing obnoxious relationship where we'd sort of do whatever we could to push each others buttons, he'd kick and hit me and say things, so one day I stabbed him in the hand with my pencil, to this day he had lead there to remind him. I also kicked him in the crotch once in 7th grade and he immediately collapsed to the floor and cried while the bell rang and the teacher smiled because the kick had it coming with all the perverse things he was saying.

No need to mention that I was far, far from being feminine, but I was developing my feminst roots. See the irony? I don't get why being feminine and feminist are so opposite.

By the time I was in high school and enough pleading from people (probably my mom?) to stop kicking guys in the crotch, I settled into a sort of angry-against-guys thing, but I was also so head over heals for them at the same time. I started trying to get the guys I wanted and ended up with nothing most of the time, which was incredibly aggrivating come formal dance times. I practically had to beg guys to be my date. I guess arm-wrestling them wasn't what they wanted in a date. I just couldn't stand how girls would endlessly flirt and fall over themselves so openly for guys. At the first sign of rejection, I bolted because I didn't want to be embarrased by a guy, they didn't deserve it in my mind.

I was in the stage I think a lot of feminists are in, the sort of angry anti-man movement. Even if they don't say that's what it is, it comes across that way. I liked plenty of guys, but how dare they if they stand in my way, I'd just kick em...you know.

I remember during this time driving to get milkshakes with a few of my friends and talking about what we wanted to do in life and my friend Trina said she wanted to get married and have babies, which I found such an appalling answer. It just seemed so overly content and stagnant, where is the ambition in that? I was going to do something more and for myself.

Then I went to college and started seeing that there were actually some really decent guys out there, very few dates still, but I was treated with respect and I started to soften up and think about Heavenly Father's plan for me. We're commanded to multiply and replenish the earth, so that must be a good thing. Here's what President Hinkley of the LDS church said in regards to education: "Set your priorities in terms of marriage and family, but also pursue educational programs which will lead to satisfying work and productive employment in case you do not marry, or to a sense of security and fulfillment in the event you do marry." Just talking about priorities here.

By the time I met Josh, my feelings had changed quite a bit as I thought about the different roles of men and women and just that, how they are DIFFERENT. I don't think anyone that posted disagrees with that. Which, by the way, thanks for all of your thoughts, they were so fun to read and prompted lots of discussion between me and Josh.

I agreed with most of what was said and it seems that we all do, I think Mel summed it up best, we all want choice and respect, but that doesn't make us all feminists. When I think of feminists now, I think of women who want to be like men, want the same level of xyz that men have, but their energies don't seem to be focused at all at embracing women for our distinct qualities and natures and how we are different from men. I think of women who are sort of bitter like they've been robbed, but why? Are we really so slighted in society?

I feel that the opposite has happened. The feminist movement seems to have moved right along until it rolled right over men to teach them a lesson.

Sorry, had to put the pics in. But seriously, I feel like men have to be so careful what they say about women but women rip men apart whether in joking or seriousness. I think the movement had its place and important, very important, things changed because of it, but are we happier now? That's what Josh and I talked a lot about on our run the other night. Ther are all sorts of directions that could go, but back to the topic.

The other night I was listening to NPR and they had on two feminists who organized the first protest outside Miss America in 1968 and they had previously interviewed the winner of that year. It was pretty interesting. They chose the pageant as their first big demonstration because they were sick of hearing women say all they wanted was, "To be a wife and mother." The protesters all brought things they were going to dump in a hole that were oppressive to women, shout why, then burn it. Unfortunately they weren't actually allowed to burn things. They did go into the pageant though and shouted all sorts of things as the lady was crowned, gave her speech and during her victory walk. Nice support of other women don't you think? I see so many feminists are attacking other women's choices and trying to educate women why they shouldn't be happy with what they have and why they should want things differently.

The feminist movement from what some of you said seems to be between women, men aren't even a factor to some. A few people mentioned just wanted to be respected for the choices they were making by all women. If by respect you mean, non-judgement, I totally agree. I agree with that so wholeheartedly in every way. I think the comments were geared mostly to whether or not moms work and to respect that, but I think it's so much broader. We cannot judge another for whatever reason, feminism forgotten, just pure Christlike virtues here, judgement does us no good. We cannot judge how another spends their time, how they parent, how they spend their money, etc. It is so unfair and almost always not quite right. Obviously, it's easier for some to not judge than others and on the flip side, it's easy to feel judged if you're a minority doign xyz even if it's not happening.

However, if it's not just being non-judgemental but true respect that's wanted, I disagree with that, because respect is earned. What if some women truly don't respect certain decisions other women make? I think that is totally acceptable and I don't think it should be gender related. We all have different values and ideals, but some are more widely spread than others and therefore are respected by a larger number of people. While it really shouldn't matter what others think of us, it definitely affects me and I often wonder what people think of xyz, but in the end, it really is just between me, my family, and the Lord.

That's the beauty of this, there are certain standards we can all uphold and think should be the way things should go, but there should always be room for exceptions and when we disagree with what someone else is doing, I think we should always ere on thinking they are the exception and give them the benefit of the doubt. My Mom is near perfect in that way, she never judges people, if she does, she keeps it all to herself, because what comes out of her mouth is that everyone is wonderful and trying their best, it's frustrating sometimes.

So I guess that's the direction this went, women don't want to be judged, but as for feminists, I still think of them as sort of extreme out of date women fighting a century too late (don't worry, not limited to this time frame) because they want to be part of a cause and it's an easy one to jump on. I did and it was a learning experience for me.

Q: Do you feel oppressed?

Q: Do you feel judged in certain decisions you make? Why?

Q: Do you have any evidence of it or is it just self-inflicted?

Q: Do you feel like men have it easy?

Q: Do you have anything against beauty/scholarship :) pageants?