I love it when people are courteous, sensitive, considerate, aware--ahh, those are all musical words to me. But can people be too courteous?
I remember hearing my Mom and sister laughing about how they were both way too hot (or cold, can't remember) in the car, but both thought the other one wanted the heater (or a.c.) on, so they didn't say anything out of wanting the other to be comfortable. I don't think they figured this out until they arrived at their destination where they shared some laughs and were probably relieved that other one didn't have an insane internal body temperature.
The point is, sometimes nice gestures aren't what the other person really wants, but that sounds so ungrateful doesn't it? This thought has come to me almost daily on my jogs. I'll be pushing my double jogger and come to a street crossing when a car stops at the stop sign well before I'm going to get to mine and still need to cross in front of them.
I always smile but motion them to move forward, which almost never works, and quickly try to pick up the pace and hurry across. This is even worse when I'm at a 4-way stop and one car stops, so they all do so they don't look rude, and then I really have to scoot. While I appreciate the gesture, it's just not efficient for them and I feel pressure to go faster (which isn't really a bad thing), Still, they are in a car, there's really not a question of who will get across first.
Unless of course I'm ALREADY crossing and the car zooms through the stop sign (visitors to the area?) and just about hits us. Her kid in the front seat looked pretty freaked out as they slammed on the brakes. We all did actually.
Q: Do you notice this when you're jogging with or without a stroller?
Q: When have you been part of the two-parties-being-too-nice-to-get-nowhere scenario?
5 comments:
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! I am SO annoyed by this scenario!!!!!!!!!! I have been thinking about doing a post like this forever but feel like I have a quota on annoyance/irriatation/anger posts. Since I have far too many for Obama & Co for the next few months I've put this off (so far.) I don't know if I'll be able to resist doing it forever though.
I don't come across this while jogging with a stroller b/c I don't jog with a stroller b/c I'm too impatient to deal with an impatient toddler in a stroller. Yes, I see the irony in the traits.
BUT I do see this when walking anywhere with Ellie. Seriously, it drives me NUTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Example 1) Walking into a store. Cars 300 yards away come to a screeching halt. I'm trying to let my kid get some wiggles out so she isn't as nuts in the store. But now I feel inclined to pick her up and jet in front of you so we can get out of your (very far away) way.
Example 2) Ellie stops traffic in stores. Partially because she's a wanderer/observer and likes to see/touch everything and partly b/c well-she's pretty darn cute. So instead of people going along their merry way we manage to stop about 6 people in the busiest spot in Target. So instead of people just working their way around her like I would do (because that's the OBVIOUS thing to do!) they choose to stop dead in their tracks, making that much more of a scene for her to observe. Then they seem puzzled why she stops. Hm. Think about it folks-maybe if you kept walking she would too? And they're like 5 feet away from her-like there isn't enough room to move around her?!! I too finally motioned one girl past me (who didn't even HAVE a cart making it that much easier to move). She followed my cue then I felt kind of pushy. But REALLY. Is it THAT hard to figure out?
I'm so with you on the too-nice gestures. It ends up being more of a hassle. I feel the same way about people giving you the right of way when its not your turn. rgg. It messes up the system!
Neil and I used to do this a lot when we were first married--we realized eventually that we were doing things only because we thought the other person wanted to. So then we came up with a rating system, like "Oh, do you want to go hiking today?--I'm about a seven on that" and the other person would give it a ranking out of ten, and we would use that to actually find out how we felt about something without totally shooting down the other person's idea. We don't do it anymore because we know each other so well that we don't have to really ask, but it was funny the first few years.
DITTO DITTO DITTO Autumn. I'm so glad I'm not alone! I also try to restrain myself on topics of things that annoy me...yikes, what does that say about us? :)
I haven't had the grocery story scenario much, they're both in the cart so I just push them around and if people stare, Hazel just gives them a dirty look and that usually ends things:).
Rach, that's funny you guys did that too! We tried it because my Dad always uses that system, but neither of us could ever really determine what value we placed on things very well, but it still served a purpose as we tried to figure out it's ranking we realized how much we did or didn't want to do something.
So great - Amen to all! : )
Haha, I didn't know that everyone felt the same way I do about this. I totally agree! And it's usually when I'm running that I notice it the most. I am sometimes a whole block away from an intersection, but a car sees me coming with the stroller and stops to wait, even though 3 cars could have gone through the intersection in the time it took me to even get to it! It's nice that they are trying to be nice, but if they used their head, they wouldn't have to wait for 15 minutes for me to get there.
And Mark and I do that all the time. We are usually trying to be nice about it all, so one of us finally picks randomly one of the choices, and then we figure out the other person really did want to do the opposite thing, but didn't speak up to be nice! We are trying to figure out how to be more forthcoming with our opinions without being selfish. Maybe we'll try that rating system. Sounds like a good way to start.
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