Done with DEFENSIVE DRIVING!

I got a ticket by a poaching cop wanting to get some $ for his dept right by the county line of Dallas for going 77 mph in a 70 mph zone--or so I thought since I'd just driven that for the past 3 hours and didn't notice crossing over the county line to where it was 60 mph. I'm still annoyed as you can see by the run-on sentence (or was it?). Anyway, to reduce the ticket about $100 I could take this online course and after 3 months of sort of doing it, I am DONE!

Now when you see me on the roads you can know that I am a defensive driver! Does that make you and everyone else an offensive driver?

Q: Ever had a ticket?
Q: Ever been in an accident?
Q: Want to be totally shocked at the total cumulation of accidents my family has had (5 sisters, myself, parents, and a friend or two driving our cars with us in them)? Any guesses? Oh, and all on my parents insurance, not after we've married off:)

How are you?

Chances are, you've been asked this in passing by someone else, and you've probably said "Fine, thanks" or "Good, how are you?" as you hurry off to somewhere. Hopefully that's not always the case as there are more appropriate times to have a real "How are you?" discussion than on your way to change a crying, dirty-diapered kid or are late for an appointment when you just saw someone you know at the grocery store.

While it sounds nice to show interest in a person, this scenario used to irk me to no end at one point in my life. I used to think about this everytime someone would ask me this for a spell in both high school and college. There were times when I just really wanted to say, "Terrible actually, I'm having an awful day and I really just need to talk to someone. Have a minute?" But the body language of the asker clearly stated that this really was just a greeting, not a question.

I've fallen in the trap myself, it's nice to say something right? But since this awakening period I had :), I've at least tried to really consider when I say it and make sure I mean it. That means, if I ask it and I have that crying kid on my hip, that I'll have to figure out a way to still talk if the answer from my friend or the cashier ends up being, "Terrible actually." While I'm sure it doesn't look this way, as I'm hurrying off to somewhere, I'm guessing this is the case with most people, that if I really said, "terrible," I'd have someone there to talk to--either because they care or because they'd feel really stupid, awkward, and/or bad if they said, "oh too bad, see you later!" Either way, I could probably complain a little.

There have actually been a few times when I've answered negatively to the "How are you?" question but I don't trap the person into sticking around and talking and usually try to excuse myself because wouldn't it be lying to say, "Good?"

I was totally stressed out the other day when coming home from some errands and my sweet neighbor asked how I was doing. I felt like I had a tornado in my head and she was just out watering plants with her elderly gma sitting there smiling (she doesn't speak English so we just smile and say hi). Again, what to say? I wanted to rip my hair out and someone elses, but I wasn't going to tell her that or she might be scared of us. So instead of giving a faulty answer, I just said, "Ohh, busy!!! But hopefully things will slow down soon." And then since I knew I didn't have time to really sit and talk with her, I think I just asked something about her mom and how nice it was to see them enjoying the outdoors.

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What promted this pet peeve thought of mine was this video where Ann Curry is reporting on the shootings of possibly 13 people shot and more wounded and opening up with, "Good Morning." ? Seriously? I mean maybe I'm having a good morning, but that's your opening line for this story? I wish I were more creative to come up with more original greetings because I couldn't think of a good one for Ann even though I didn't think hers was appropriate.

Q: Do you think about what you're asking people when you say "How are you?"
Q: Do you care that others ask it when they really seem to not care? (You know, like when they say it as they're walking away and they're out the door as they finish it)
Q: Do you have more creative greetings you use that don't make you feel a little insincere if you don't have the time (or if just don't care)?
Q: Does it annoy you if TV people use greetings like this to break serious stories?
Q: Oh, and How are you? :) Emails are always easier with this q because you really can respond with care:).

Amish Phone Call

A couple of weeks ago when Josh was gone in CA taking the bar and I was scrubbing down the house and organizing, I got a phone call. I wouldn't say that having to scrub down our house was fun, but I did get some much needed catching up done on the phone with some friends. One day, I got a phone call from Erma Yoder (maiden name, not sure her married).

Oh, and this isn't their phone, but it is an Amish phone.

I'm from Ohio, and no, not from Amish country despite the description of "the sticks" Josh likes to refer to--although it is beautiful. Erma's family are friends with my family from a connection that happened years ago. I'm probably way off on the details, so here's my general understanding of how we connected.

My parents lived in Ohio ages ago and were near Amish country when they saw an older Amish man down town smoking. They struck up a conversation with him and he asked them if they would drive him home and in return for the favor and the secrecy of his smoking habit, he would give them a full tour of his home and lifestyle. They took it and thus begun the friendship.

Side note: my grandpa's family is Amish, but there was a break somewhere in the line where someone, I don't know how to put it, but stopped being Amish. A while ago they tried to have a family reunion of both the Amish side and non-Amish. I didn't hear how it went, but I would have loved to have been there! --They were from IL, so unrelated.

In youth, the Amish kids get a chance to go out in the world and do something fun, these Yoder boys went on a hunting trip with my cousins and uncle in Utah (can you imagine a buggy ride that long? No, they didn't do that, but can you imagine?). So when we had a family reunion in Ohio one year, the Amish new a lot of our family and extended family and we had a huge feast at the Amish's house. It was good.

I loved seeing their way of life and felt this small sense of priviledge and good fortune that I was able to see such an intimate view of a private life. They took us for buggy rides, pet their pet leapord (no joke), fed their deer (also pets) and got a tour of his harness shop.

It had been a while since I'd been out to visit them (3 hours from parents), but last year I took Josh there even though I honestly couldn't remember what they looked like or what their names were besides a stereotypical guess. Oh, right, the Yoders! Is it shameful to say I just wanted to keep the friendship alive because it is such an unusual one?

We went to the mom's house first and she actually had us drive her to Erma's house which was 3 miles away. I can only imagine that they're grateful when someone shows up with a car since they can accept rides so she didn't have to drive the buggy for 40 minutes over big hills to see her daughter, and back.

(Please excuse how corny this terrifying image is. Again, can you imagine? My imagination is way too good for this kind of thing to not make me nervous.)
Ends up Erma and I have a lot in common. We're almost the same age as well as our first children (a few days apart)--her's Heidi, mine Hazel. They played in her dark front room with some very modern Fisher Price toys. What happened to the old wooden spoon and crate to bang on? Don't Amish kids just play with dolls without faces? We were both expecting our second girls, same due date.

Surprisingly we had a lot to talk about and relate with each other. It was really cool. She and her husband have a phone they can use in his shop, but you can only leave messages on it and she'll have to call you back since they aren't in there much. I've only talked to her once this past year so I was surpised to get a call from her while scrubbing down the house last week.

It was really fun to hear from her, but after the initial hello's and how are you's, I was stumped at what to talk about. What is kosher, or Amish-acceptable, to talk about? Can't really talk about the latest movies or books. I wasn't even sure if it was okay to ask if their home selling process was like ours (they just moved). I think it was a little hard for both of us to know how to have a conversation at first since we really don't know each other and seriously, she's Amish, what could I talk about with her?

Finally we connected on kids, and then I realized how similar we were. Even though our cultures are pretty different (although thankfully my own religion has helped me have similar moral standards to understand the basis of hers), as women we are similar. We had a great time talking about our daughter's personalities, their births (she had a c-section), and the usual bickering between two little ones and any good ideas on curbing it. She even brought up the octo-mom, no idea how she'd heard about that.

It was really cool to cross over our differences into such a familiar territory. I've found that when I've travelled and have managed to get past language and cultural barriers, even a little, it's really exciting to connect with someone so outwardly different and realize that we're all really just human and ultimately children of God.

We talked for over an hour when we started wrapping up and she said she needed to get back to the house because her kids were probably awake then. I'd totally forgotten she was just sitting in some room with a phone this whole time. I couldn't help but wonder what she thinks of me and the outside world who must appear (and partially true) to be so worldly. Or did she enjoy that outlet of talking to me?


Q: So what would YOU talk to an Amish person about?
Q: Any thoughts on what you think they think of us?
Q: Have you talked to Amish people before or have any Amish friends?

In-Flight Entertainment

Kids are often entertaining, but sometimes adults are much more. In this case, it was definitely the lady in front of us.

We flew to CA last week and the flight was 4 hours long. I'm pretty used to that type of thing alone, so having Josh's help was great. I expect the girls to be exhausted, to not sleep, and to just sort of endure and try to entertain. Well the lady in front of us apparently had a different idea of how she wanted her flight to go.

Understandably, I envy everyone in the airport holding a book in their hand instead of a childs hand. We still carry books, usually big heavy ones that end up getting a page read and add to our lacking weight lifting regime. I seriously dream of flying without my kids so I can enjoy the luxury of just sitting for hours reading with nothing to do.

Anyway, I guess Hazel kept bumping her seat (she was on the ground coloring for a while) and the lady did a few different gestures that we could tell she was annoyed, but the best part was when she reached her hand over the back of her head rest and just held it there for like 5 minutes! It was hysterical!

I didn't have a camera on me but I desperately wanted to turn on my phone so I could use the camera. Josh really didn't like that idea (even though he's checked his email before in-flight...)No joke, she left it there until her arm must have been numb. I still don't get the point of it, to steady the chair? To say, "Don't touch, this is my chair!"? It was good solid entertainment for me to watch. Josh was nicer and tried very hard to keep her away from it after that (and we had been trying).

Afterwards I noticed she wouldn't look at us so I got her attention and apologized and said, "I'm sorry you got more excitement than you bargained for!" And then she looked uncomfortable and quickly said something about being used to it from her nieces and nephews and how she was trying to give us more room or something. I said sorry again. It was nice for her to realize we weren't out to ruin her trip. Really funny though, I couldn't stop laughing--good thing for the loud engines.

Q: Have you ever been entertained by another adult not meaning to entertain?

First Impression?

Okay, this was a picture from one of those "worst dressed celebs" weekly things and I couldn't resist putting it on here. What's your first impression? Well, besides really, "What was she thinking?" The site mentioned that she shouldn't wear these leggings that show off her "curvy" figure. While I agree that leggings like this on most people wouldn't look good, I have to say I find it quite refreshing to see some legs instead of sticks on a celebrity. And please, she's barely "curvy."

Q: Be honest, was your first impression, "WHAT? Where are her pants???...oh, I guess she is wearing something..."

Q: Are you influenced by the skinny-race/competition of Hollywood?

Q: If you lived in a Californian city (any really) do you think you'd be more likely to drop a few pounds due to the hyped up pressure I imagine there is? (If you're in CA, weigh in! haha, really didn't mean the pun at first)

Abortion and Abstinence

This may be wordy since I have to talk things out to cover what I'm really trying to say, skim!

***

First, I still don't see anything more important than abortion being the most important decision for my political choices although interesting points were made about McCain's stances. I haven't ever really liked McCain or been fully behind him on a lot of things, I just more agreed with him than Obama.

I'm curious the details about McCain and birth control. So you're saying he is against birth control? I thought it was just about altering the fetus after it was conceived, not prevention...? And I'll have to look into his views on the baby getting priority over the mom if the mom's life is at risk, are you sure he's said that the baby would come first? I have a hard time believing that would be passed by anyone into law even if he somehow wanted it to be, but I didn't think he did...?

I don't know the stats on abstinence ed, but I taught it for a while in high school and I just felt like when they talked about birth control, they were too explicit and the kids were too young--even though some were already having sex at that age. They were the minority and it didn't seem right to expose the rest of them to graphic material.

I think they place for that is the home more than the school. I know some kids won't get it at home, shoot, my own little sister somehow missed "the talk" because my mom (very apologetically) says she must have assumed she gave it since she already did 5 other times.
Knowing how different kids are, I think some would be negatively affected by it in various ways.

You may say well of course, but look at the good it would do others. I'm not sure of the real good it would do others. I don't mean to sound fanatical, but just imagine this (and I'm not saying I think this should be the enacted or anything, just think about it): what if nobody unmarried or under 18 years old could get birth control and only abstinence and good old fashioned morals were taught (wouldn't even have to be religious).

I'm sure there was a time in recent history that this was the case. But don't you think teens would be a heck of a lot more careful when it came to whether or not to...uh hem...? Maybe not, just seems like that would happen to me. Of course if abortion were illegal that would really help things to if a girl did get pregnant (even if there were ways around it, it would sure cut down the quantity of them).

I was just talking to my mom last week about how this kid in high school (9th or 10th grade--14/15yrs) came to school after Christmas bragging about how his parent gave him and his older brother (also in high school)condoms for Christmas because they knew they'd have sex anyway and wanted them to be prepared. I was so appalled, it was like the biggest green light he could have had (not to mention how perverse a choice of holidays to do it on).

If schools or other programs gave it out to teens, I think sex amongst them would go way up. Who knows, there might be less unplanned pregnancies, but to put it bluntly, where's the responsibility in that?

I'm sure that sounds a little callous, but it just seems to strip responsibility from us by making our choices not have consequences. I've thought about it before and wondered if there wasn't birth control available for under 18 (or abortion, but that as a secondary point), I think teens would be more careful in the first place.

Again, I totally agree on educating pregnant teens or unwed mothers on adoption as much as possible and I would also push for clear explanations of what really happens in an abortion to both the mom and the baby as soon as the pregnant mom considers it an option.

I guess after all this rambling more than anything I think it should be left up to the parents. I know there are a lot of absent parents out there, but I think overall that would be a better option.

My Exception

I have tried to stay away from political talk on here for a few reasons so far, trust me, I've been practicing great restraint. There are a lot of reasons I'm a republican, but it's primarily because of the abortion issue. I'm not looking to ruffle any feathers or put up false information, but after looking at this video looking into it, it looks accurate from a voting stand point.

Do I think Obama wants to kill babies? Of course not (not once they're born anyway), but the way he voted allows that. I don't care for the dramatization at the end of the video, it was too much for me, but I couldn't not put out the information.

Please consider this.



On a different note, I did have another thought though about the nurse, why do you think she didn't do anything to help the baby? I mean rules are rules and all, that's what kept the Nazi's killing people. Couldn't she have broken them and taken care of the baby?

More Energy?

One more thought on nursing. Did you feel any noticeable change in energy once you stopped nursing? As I wrote in the comments section, my only benefit I can see to stopping nursing is regaining some energy. I feel like I've just been hammering my body since having her with dieting, running and nursing (and those are just the physical strains).

If I stopped nursing before this marathon I'm wondering if it would give my body a much needed break (but I'd probably feel guilty since stopping running would be a more selfless way to do that).

Q: Did any of you feel a noticeable change in energy once you stopped nursing?
Q: Did you gain weight when you stopped? FYI: This wouldn't change my decision, just curious.
Q: Did your appetite go down when you stopped?

My Emotional End of Nursing

I never imagined I'd be so sad about this.

Two days ago I started weaning Felicity from nursing. It was the start of a horrible experience. I've skipped feedings before and had other people give her bottles, but me giving her a bottle instead of nursing felt so wrong, so detached. It probably wouldn't have if this weren't the end and I was just recovering from thrush or needed a break, but I'm choosing to end it and end it earlier than a year.

City is 9 months, I was already pregnant again at this stage when I was nursing Hazel and my milk just dried up which was like the hugest blessing because for almost all of those 9 months I'd been sore, cracked, bleeding, pussy, thrush-infected, whatever, it was just bad. Just when I'd heal from one affliction, another would start. So naturally I was elated when my milk dried up because I felt like it was out of my hands, couldn't try any harder, hallelujah I was done!

This time around it's been so different, I now understand why moms like it, it is a bonding experience not a time of dreaded torture every few hours. It's been special, almost a sacred time with my baby. With a toddler around and City getting so independent, it's been our special time that I get to spend with her, but now I have to stop.

As soon as I got pregnant with her we decided we'd take a couple's trip after I was done nursing her so for once in a few years I wouldn't be attached to a baby in any physical way. I'd been looking forward to that freedom for so long emotionally, so we put the date at the earliest we thought would be okay for her and chose just longer than I'd nursed Hazel. Isn't she cute?

Now we're going to Peru Oct 19 and while I'm excited, it's waning. We've both realized that 9 days away from our girls will be agonzing and we probably won't enjoy our last several days nearly as much because we'll be wanting to come home, but now this whole nursing thing is tearing at me. Felicity was screaming when I wouldn't nurse her, any time she'd get close to my chest she'd settle down and open her mouth expectantly and I'd have to pull her away only to more tears and screams. I teared up too naturally.

So what to do? One option is to try to maintain one feeding at night, but that would mean pumping every night while we're hiking and trying to find a place to wash out the pump. That isn't a big deal, but it sort of defeats the whole reason we are going right now, so I could be totally detached from babies--which is exactly what's eating me up too. The problem with that is that I'm not sure that she'll even nurse after not for 2.5 weeks (I'm going to go totally without for a week before so she's not crazy with my mom).

Or I could obviously stop, which I'm currently planning on doing since my pediatrician doesn't think my milk will hold up unless I pump a few times a day.

I just feel so selfish, so betraying. I've never really known the great things breast milk does for babies, just heard it was great so I planned on it and didn't think I'd have any problems letting go, but to stop prematurely for my own reasons is really tough and I feel so guilty. I know she'll be fine and formula is fine, but I know breastmilk is better and I will miss that special bond.

I have limited pics on this computer, but here she is.

Q: What would you do?

Q: Do you think she'd nurse after not for 2.5 weeks?

Q: Can you relate?

Courteous Cars

I love it when people are courteous, sensitive, considerate, aware--ahh, those are all musical words to me. But can people be too courteous?

I remember hearing my Mom and sister laughing about how they were both way too hot (or cold, can't remember) in the car, but both thought the other one wanted the heater (or a.c.) on, so they didn't say anything out of wanting the other to be comfortable. I don't think they figured this out until they arrived at their destination where they shared some laughs and were probably relieved that other one didn't have an insane internal body temperature.

The point is, sometimes nice gestures aren't what the other person really wants, but that sounds so ungrateful doesn't it? This thought has come to me almost daily on my jogs. I'll be pushing my double jogger and come to a street crossing when a car stops at the stop sign well before I'm going to get to mine and still need to cross in front of them.

I always smile but motion them to move forward, which almost never works, and quickly try to pick up the pace and hurry across. This is even worse when I'm at a 4-way stop and one car stops, so they all do so they don't look rude, and then I really have to scoot. While I appreciate the gesture, it's just not efficient for them and I feel pressure to go faster (which isn't really a bad thing), Still, they are in a car, there's really not a question of who will get across first.

Unless of course I'm ALREADY crossing and the car zooms through the stop sign (visitors to the area?) and just about hits us. Her kid in the front seat looked pretty freaked out as they slammed on the brakes. We all did actually.

Q: Do you notice this when you're jogging with or without a stroller?

Q: When have you been part of the two-parties-being-too-nice-to-get-nowhere scenario?

The Re-Education of the Female

I don't know if any of you watch "The M and J Show," I don't usually (I didn't even know about it until recently), but sometimes they have some fun heated discussions on men and women. On Monday they had this ____ man on (way too many word choices, read on) named Dante Moore.

He wrote the book, "The Re-Education of the Female." Amongst other things, my main beef with him was how he firmly stands by his belief that a woman must be a size 10 or smaller for her man or if she's single her pool of single men will go way down. I mean I get that attraction is a big deal, but seriously? A number? I'm surprised he didn't break it down into height too, "You must be a size 10 or smaller if you're 5'8", but you've gotta be a 6 or smaller if you're 4'11".

If you could only see his full body shot, he's not in strapping shape himself, yet when that came up, he said it's about getting your man, not the other way around, "Adam came first in the Garden of Eden, then women, so wait your turn!"

Then the host asked (bringing up his point on how a woman better cook and clean for her man), "Was Eve cleaning the Garden too?" He said, "Probably, she shoulda been!"

I don't even know what to ask on this, I was just so stunned that I showed Josh a clip of it, he was probably even more shocked at the cleaning out the Garden of Eden comment. What a whacko. Is it mean to hope he stays single forever?

Q: Can you believe this guy? What does he want to re-educate us on?

Q: Why are women so forgiving of mens appearances, esp when we're the ones who need that part of attraction flipped since we have babies and a positively more difficult time losing weight?

Bidet, you know, the little bathtub for babies in Europe

When I first saw a bidet I was in Europe with my family. I don't remember who noticed it first or what exactly we said, but I do remember being totally confused at what it was. My parents had both lived in Germany while they did missions for our church years ago and they told us about this sick little contraption, at least that's what I thought then.

It seemed useless, messy and weird. Who wants to give their bottom a little bath after they go to the bathroom?


And then a few days ago it hit me. City had a blow out diaper and as I was trying to figure out how to best get her clothes off without getting it on her head, arms, you know how it is, I thought, "I better just put her in the sink again." While I thought about what a pain it is to do that since she can grab the handles and barely fits in there now, the image of the bidet came to my mind. And it became pure genius to me.


As I washed and tried to hold her in the sink without grabbing too many nearby things, I wished I had a bidet, and I would use it all the time. Now probably not for me, that still sounds weird, but what a lifesaver with kids! Who knows, maybe it would grow on me.


I just loved this tacky bathroom set trying to fancify a bidet. Oh, and after looking around for a few pics online, there is quite a bit of interesting info out there on them! Did you know that they've been around for 200 years? If you don't have one in your house in Argentina your house loses value?

I found one guy's website who goes on and on about how environmentally friendly they are since you cut down on toilet paper (call me crazy, but I can't figure out how you'd dry off from all that water if you don't use TP, a different towel each time?). And there is even a book about all you ever wanted to know about bidets (I wonder if he really thought he'd make money off of that one).

Q: Have you ever used one? I mean for real, not to wash your baby in.
Q: Have you ever seen these in the USA?
Q: Do you think they're a good idea?

I am Womyn: Feminist Follow Up

This is my fridge. My forever "to do" list that is nice and cluttered with what to buy (there is another list next to it with a whole other list of things that have been there for over a year, pathetic I know) with my prominently placed favorite post card. Well, one of my favorite collection from this company. It's sort of what I picture on Friedan's fridge as a statement of sarcasm and her whole point of her "Feminine Mystique Book." I just get a kick out of it. But sometimes it really is paradise in the kitchen. One of my favorite things is this: (she's not really drugged here) And this.

My sister Jill asked me once during my femy stage if I spelled "woman" "womyn." I thought it was a good idea if it didn't look so weird. But like I said, I grew out of that stage. In high school this is the set up that helped me form my feminist opinions:

I was pinched, grabbed, called at, had sicko's tell me sicko things in the halls of high school, the bus, wherever. I'd usually punch whoever it was if I could get to them fast enough, and I even went through a fairly long spell of kicking guys in the crotch for doing or saying mean things to me.

One kid and I had this horrible ongoing obnoxious relationship where we'd sort of do whatever we could to push each others buttons, he'd kick and hit me and say things, so one day I stabbed him in the hand with my pencil, to this day he had lead there to remind him. I also kicked him in the crotch once in 7th grade and he immediately collapsed to the floor and cried while the bell rang and the teacher smiled because the kick had it coming with all the perverse things he was saying.

No need to mention that I was far, far from being feminine, but I was developing my feminst roots. See the irony? I don't get why being feminine and feminist are so opposite.

By the time I was in high school and enough pleading from people (probably my mom?) to stop kicking guys in the crotch, I settled into a sort of angry-against-guys thing, but I was also so head over heals for them at the same time. I started trying to get the guys I wanted and ended up with nothing most of the time, which was incredibly aggrivating come formal dance times. I practically had to beg guys to be my date. I guess arm-wrestling them wasn't what they wanted in a date. I just couldn't stand how girls would endlessly flirt and fall over themselves so openly for guys. At the first sign of rejection, I bolted because I didn't want to be embarrased by a guy, they didn't deserve it in my mind.

I was in the stage I think a lot of feminists are in, the sort of angry anti-man movement. Even if they don't say that's what it is, it comes across that way. I liked plenty of guys, but how dare they if they stand in my way, I'd just kick em...you know.

I remember during this time driving to get milkshakes with a few of my friends and talking about what we wanted to do in life and my friend Trina said she wanted to get married and have babies, which I found such an appalling answer. It just seemed so overly content and stagnant, where is the ambition in that? I was going to do something more and for myself.

Then I went to college and started seeing that there were actually some really decent guys out there, very few dates still, but I was treated with respect and I started to soften up and think about Heavenly Father's plan for me. We're commanded to multiply and replenish the earth, so that must be a good thing. Here's what President Hinkley of the LDS church said in regards to education: "Set your priorities in terms of marriage and family, but also pursue educational programs which will lead to satisfying work and productive employment in case you do not marry, or to a sense of security and fulfillment in the event you do marry." Just talking about priorities here.

By the time I met Josh, my feelings had changed quite a bit as I thought about the different roles of men and women and just that, how they are DIFFERENT. I don't think anyone that posted disagrees with that. Which, by the way, thanks for all of your thoughts, they were so fun to read and prompted lots of discussion between me and Josh.

I agreed with most of what was said and it seems that we all do, I think Mel summed it up best, we all want choice and respect, but that doesn't make us all feminists. When I think of feminists now, I think of women who want to be like men, want the same level of xyz that men have, but their energies don't seem to be focused at all at embracing women for our distinct qualities and natures and how we are different from men. I think of women who are sort of bitter like they've been robbed, but why? Are we really so slighted in society?

I feel that the opposite has happened. The feminist movement seems to have moved right along until it rolled right over men to teach them a lesson.

Sorry, had to put the pics in. But seriously, I feel like men have to be so careful what they say about women but women rip men apart whether in joking or seriousness. I think the movement had its place and important, very important, things changed because of it, but are we happier now? That's what Josh and I talked a lot about on our run the other night. Ther are all sorts of directions that could go, but back to the topic.

The other night I was listening to NPR and they had on two feminists who organized the first protest outside Miss America in 1968 and they had previously interviewed the winner of that year. It was pretty interesting. They chose the pageant as their first big demonstration because they were sick of hearing women say all they wanted was, "To be a wife and mother." The protesters all brought things they were going to dump in a hole that were oppressive to women, shout why, then burn it. Unfortunately they weren't actually allowed to burn things. They did go into the pageant though and shouted all sorts of things as the lady was crowned, gave her speech and during her victory walk. Nice support of other women don't you think? I see so many feminists are attacking other women's choices and trying to educate women why they shouldn't be happy with what they have and why they should want things differently.

The feminist movement from what some of you said seems to be between women, men aren't even a factor to some. A few people mentioned just wanted to be respected for the choices they were making by all women. If by respect you mean, non-judgement, I totally agree. I agree with that so wholeheartedly in every way. I think the comments were geared mostly to whether or not moms work and to respect that, but I think it's so much broader. We cannot judge another for whatever reason, feminism forgotten, just pure Christlike virtues here, judgement does us no good. We cannot judge how another spends their time, how they parent, how they spend their money, etc. It is so unfair and almost always not quite right. Obviously, it's easier for some to not judge than others and on the flip side, it's easy to feel judged if you're a minority doign xyz even if it's not happening.

However, if it's not just being non-judgemental but true respect that's wanted, I disagree with that, because respect is earned. What if some women truly don't respect certain decisions other women make? I think that is totally acceptable and I don't think it should be gender related. We all have different values and ideals, but some are more widely spread than others and therefore are respected by a larger number of people. While it really shouldn't matter what others think of us, it definitely affects me and I often wonder what people think of xyz, but in the end, it really is just between me, my family, and the Lord.

That's the beauty of this, there are certain standards we can all uphold and think should be the way things should go, but there should always be room for exceptions and when we disagree with what someone else is doing, I think we should always ere on thinking they are the exception and give them the benefit of the doubt. My Mom is near perfect in that way, she never judges people, if she does, she keeps it all to herself, because what comes out of her mouth is that everyone is wonderful and trying their best, it's frustrating sometimes.

So I guess that's the direction this went, women don't want to be judged, but as for feminists, I still think of them as sort of extreme out of date women fighting a century too late (don't worry, not limited to this time frame) because they want to be part of a cause and it's an easy one to jump on. I did and it was a learning experience for me.

Q: Do you feel oppressed?

Q: Do you feel judged in certain decisions you make? Why?

Q: Do you have any evidence of it or is it just self-inflicted?

Q: Do you feel like men have it easy?

Q: Do you have anything against beauty/scholarship :) pageants?

Am I a Pregnant Feminist?

Two things happened last night that I'd like to respond to.

Here's the set-up: I was at an enrichment activity--okay first, for those of you who don't know, "Enrichment" is the short version for "Family, Home and Personal Enrichment" which is the title for activities put on for the women in our congregation. I'm the supervisor over it sort of, so I go to most of them. Anyway, last night was a social for the women at church, just get to know you games and stuff sans kids, which was really fun and lots of women showed up. We mingled and had food and also brought an item to represent something about us, anything, and we tried to guess who it belonged to.

First thing:

Am I pregnant? No, I am not. But someone asked me if I was last night, so to save the rest of you the trouble of wondering if that pooch is harvesting something or just pudge, the latter would be the right answer.

After months of working like crazy to lose the baby fat and being thrilled to surpass my goal weight, I still have a pooch that doesn't just look like fat, it looks like I'm 3 months pregnant--no joke. I'd much rather have 10 pounds spread out over my body than to look like I'm in the early stages of pregnancy. And please don't say, "Oh no you don't look pregnant" because most of you don't live here and can't see just how it looks with the way my shirt hangs, because I really do. However, I will welcome any stories like mine if you are so lucky to have them:).

It didn't help that I was eating a brownie dipped in a cream cheese and marshmello dip when she asked.

Second thing:

For my item, I brought a painting I did in NYC where I took a class in the ghetto part of Chinatown and learned nothing about painting but plenty about other things and also the book, "Feminine Mystique." I went through a feminist stage in high school and being pre-internet (or at least before it was well travelled), I had to special order it through our local book store.

One of my feminist friends (at least I think she would call herself this) leaned over and said, "Oh! So you've reformed your ways!" I think she was teasing, but we've disagreed on, or rather misunderstood each other, on different women's issues before. This comment ate at me all night (which I would love your thoughts if you're reading this friend!) because I wondered what she thought I believed in or stood for in the ways of women's issues and responsibilities and roles.

The game was quickly moving and it was on to the next person, so I just said something about how reading the book changed some of my views. I'd like to explain those a little more in a later post because I don't think I can do justice to them right now since I need to get off and go for a jog, but it made me think of women's roles and feminism and what it means.

It took some time to realize that I wasn't truly a feminist, or maybe I was, but I didn't really understand feminism in the way that I do now. I realize that the term means different things to different people, so that's what I want to know from you.

Q: What does feminism mean to you?

Q: How would you describe a feminist?

Q: Is feminism in practice the same as it is by definition?

Q: Do you consider yourself a feminist?

Q: Has anyone ever mistaken you to be pregnant when you weren't?