It's been a challenging day with my daughter today--any takers? The days have been building up to this point and while I don't know all the reasons for it, I know sleep is a factor--mostly for her, but I'm not oblivious that it affects me too.
I just vented to my husband and he wrote back that I should remember that I won't be tested past my limits with divine help. I'd already considered that as I wrote him in the first place, but it made me wonder just what my limits are. This thought makes me imagine a long white string up in heaven with a big red mark in the middle. On the left hand side of the string has "Afton's Capacity" floating around and then the red mark in the middle says, "Limits," and on the right hand of the string is, "Forbidden Zone, No Testing." And then there is a little circle game piece that slides along, back and forth, and that's me.
Maybe at times little words occasionally pop up over parts of it, like if my little circle slides to the far left of the string the words, "peaceful break for Afton," might happily be generated above. And then when that peaceful break and no growing time is up, my little piece will slide to the right, sometimes it will stop for a while, have a "work and learning zone," blurb above, and then will glide left for a bit again for a, "recuperating," bit.
But sometimes, which I imagined today, my little game piece came right up to that red line, yep, all the way, rubbing up to it, trying to push itself onto the right hand side of the string. And that's when I wondered what my limits really are. For a while I thought that my little game piece was resting on the line, becoming part of the border between "Afton can handle this," and "Afton will now go crazy, but she's justified since her piece slid into the wrong zone."
After thinking about Josh's gentle reminder, and cooling off here, away from the crying, I thought things could be much worse, I could have XYX happening too--but then again--that just might put me straight into the right hand side of the string and clearly in the danger zone. Which makes me think that at different times in our life, that little red mark in the middle isn't permanently there, it probably slides back and forth depending on our circumstances and sometimes we can handle more and sometimes less.
And with that in mind, my more rational, cooled off mind, I've been thinking that I'd like to find ways to handle situations better, be more preventative, so that I can avoid feeling like my string is tilted at an alarming angle and my piece is sliding straight for the red mark. I took the first steps by removing her curtains, washing them, am about to dry them, and I'm hoping to sacrifice a little of my own sleep tonight to make her blackout curtains (that will hopefully work this time), so she'll get some sleep and we'll all be happily out of the danger zone. I'm just not the kind of person to give myself challenges that put others at risk while I'm growing. Here's hoping to enlightened ideas to keep myself from the crazies.
Q: Do you ever feel like you're up against that red "limits" line? What do you do?
5 comments:
A friend of mine used to say she thought the Lord would teach us as gently as we're willing to learn. I think it's absolutely true. With your analogy, I also think He is interested in pushing that little red line completely through our "No Testing Zone", as if maybe that zone exists due to our imperfections in areas of patience, perspective, and Christlike attributes. When I butt up against that line, I know it's because I have some ugliness I have to see in myself, and let the Lord resolve in me so that I can be better. I think getting to the edge of our patience, the edge of our love, the edge of our comfort, is a good thing - it's there when the Lord can make of us what He needs us to be so we can more fully do what He needs us to do. He kinda likes us bumping into the line, since that reminds us of our mortal limitations, and becomes the "grow zone" or the "bitter/stressed zone" depending on how we react to situations and circumstances. I feel your pain though - I've been at that point myself a bit these past few months, and I have to remind myself that even though it's hard, it's all good. You're amazing, Afton!
i love this! and props to you for accepting his gentle reminder. if i had been in the wrong mood it would have just made me angrier. :/ i have some black out curtains that i'm not using right now if you'd like to try them out. nothing fancy, but they're available.
What do I do? Scream, then apologize. The screams are normally inside. But not 100% of the time. Last week it occured to me to try to stay as emotionally out of Ellie's frustrations as possible. Might be a while until I master that. Sorry it was a rough day!
I can't believe how often I feel like I'm pushed up against that outer limit especially since I've had children and for the same reason. And it truly does feel sometimes like I'm skirting the line between my turning into an absolute nutcase and just being plain irrational and crazy with my kids. I think it's part of motherhood, and I also think we need days like these to keep us working on those preventative things. I end up crying on my bed at night about how horrible they were and how horribly I responded and how I am probably ruining their lives, I usually pull out my favorite book "The Power of Positive Parenting" and read just enough to start feeling equipped with preventative measures and good language and I feel like I can control our environment better and then we have a long stretch of great days where my kids and I seem to all be relieved that things are going so well. But kids are exhausting and for me especially I get low spiritually and then I start to go back to crazy mode and it seems to fester until breaking point again where I end up on my bed crying again. Luckily the more we go through it the farther and farther apart those horrible days are getting and I take it as a sign that a- my kids are getting older and the toddler years are truly crazy as everyone says they are and b- I'm becoming a much more skilled mom than I used to be. Makes me kind of nervous when we go too long without a major upset. Thanks for a nice post, made me think and I appreciate that I think we're all in the same boat, trying to plug along.
ALSO I seem to get most upset when I'm pregnant and feel like "If I can't handle things now how am I EVER going to do this with a baby and with no sleep?" and then I start to get madder about the situation because of my own insecurities. Maybe you don't do this but I've realized it's incredibly helpful for me to journal my worst moments with my kids-- keeps me accountable also helps me think clearly through their craziness. I journal the general situation, the thing that made me start screeching or squeezing them or spanking or whatever losing it looks like, then I write down exactly what my actions are (it's harder to do things that you are ashamed about later when you know you are going to have to write it down and report back), I write what the trigger was, and then the "other things" that made me react the way that I did-- the other stressors that made me less able to keep things in peaceful check (like I feel crappy and fat because I'm pregnant, we have a stressful job situation, we don't have a couch, etc... things that wear on me that the kids can't understand but still affect my ability to cope). This journal has been incredibly useful to me and I have not regretted much of my behavior since I started keeping it. I used to make my husband sit down each time I had to write in it so I would be accountable to him (also so I could explain how truly horrible things can be sometimes, behavior wise with kids) but now I hardly have to report in it any more. I'm glad I read this post, this will get me started on it again, it's been a real parenting game changer for me. That and the book, "The Power of Positive Parenting."
Tristen, you said so many things that were absolutely, perfectly what I needed to hear. I am SO bummed we didn't hang out before you moved!!! ahh! Thank you for sharing all those thoughts, I think the accountability book is a brilliant idea. After a little freak out on my daughter this week I considered doing something like that but then wondered if I'd really want a record of that lying around and heaven forbid she find it someday when she can read. I think the pros are better than the cons after reading your thoughts because of the potential behavioral changes that come with it (on my part). I've also been meaning to read that book for ages, and I think this was just the thing to get me in gear. Thank you so much! And holy cow, yes on the pregnancy thoughts of how can I handle one more on those crazy days. Thank you for empathizing and encouraging! I love you penpal friend!
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