My second one went much more so how I wanted but primarily because I birthed at home until that baby was almost a home birth without a Dr. around, but I wasn't stuck to all the hospital policies and I loved that. Josh didn't, he was envisioning delivering that baby himself by how long it took me to leave the house.
Me: "Josh, on Wednesday I'm going to a homebirth lounge with Melanie."
I'd still like to have it go a little differently, just more in my control when it comes to the birth, so as my sister and I talked about water and home births, I got interested. Water births still aren't my thing for a few reasons and home births always sounded gross, and I liked being taken care of after the baby was born in the hospital. The food where I had my first two was amazing too, shocking I know, but I loooved just looking at their menu and pigging out. It's sort of like more of event for me to have a baby in a hospital too, that's just kind of fun.
But all the people I've talked to who have done home births have loved them--obviously it's a small number of women and they chose that so most likely they'd be more into it, but it gets me thinking. Then last week I had a friend tell me her aunt's baby died because of a complication during a home birth and there wasn't time to get to a hospital and that freaked me out a little.
To learn more about the dangers and pluses of a home birth, I asked my really cool, really normal, and very with it friend who'd had one--I don't want you to conjure up images of a lady living in a hippie commune. She sent me an invite to a "homebirth lunch lounge," a get-together for people to ask q's while kids play.
Josh was just in here and it went like this:
Me: "Josh, on Wednesday I'm going to a homebirth lounge with Melanie."
Josh: "You're going where with whom???... ... ...(me laughing)... ...If you're trying to scare me away from having any more babies, this is the way to do it."
Ahh, I love that man. I think we'll have to settle with a midwife at the hospital. At this point I'm more comfortable with that too since I don't know the details of home births.
Q: Any thoughts?
14 comments:
I can see the point of having a home birth if you prefer to have an experience free of medical interventions or where more of your family can participate. I totally get that.
With that said, I have absolutely no desire for any family members other than my husband to see the baby being born. I really value my privacy. I also like the idea of having a baby where someone else does the cleanup and someone brings me food when I want it and takes the baby back to the nursery so I can sleep. This has become increasingly important as I add additional children--I know that the sleep I get in the hospital is the best sleep I'll get for a long time.
I also really love my OB. And to be honest, I'm probably not a good candidate for home birth, since I had to have abdominal surgery during my last pregnancy and lots of monitoring during the delivery to make sure that all the surgical patches were holding during contractions. So I'm happy to be in a hospital, but I respect those who make informed and safe choices otherwise.
Bob would say the exact same thing as Josh. Word for word.
I couldn't do a home birth for several reasons. First, I try not to disrupt the lives of my kids too much and that would entail each of them having to stay somewhere else. Some place less familiar and throw off their routine even more than it will be in the future. Second, the leftover image of having blood/fluids all over my house. The stress is physically demanding enough, I don't want to add on the emotional stress of thinking about the clean-up afterward. Third, my cousin was birthing in a midwifery which was next door to a hospital. She came across some complications and was rushed to the hospital next door. She lost the baby. It was her fifth child. It's not like she hadn't been there before or that she didn't know what she was doing. Ever since then I've been determined to be in a hospital with an OB, whether or not I decide to get an epidural.
Ok, I can see both sides of this issue: what I HATE about the hospital is a different nurse coming in every 1/2 hour to check on us or the baby, waking us up when we're trying to get MUCH-needed sleep, the possibility of not having my OB deliver my baby, but the OB on-call instead, and just all the official paperwork, checking-in process (while you're in major PAIN!), bracelets, all that junk that makes sure you get out of the hospital with the right baby. (understandable, I know. it all HAS to be done.) Being at home for all these reasons would seem relaxing...
BUT in another sense, it's so nice to leave all of that behind AT the hospital and really come home to a quiet place with the baby. All the laboring, the pain, all the messy clean-up we'd have to deal with - I don't want that in my house, or my bedroom. It's part of each birth, but I like leaving it at the hospital and coming back home to my life "before", if that makes sense. I respect both decisions, but weighing the pros and cons, the hospital wins out - for the previous reasons, but also that I don't want to be far away from expert medical care should there be an emergency with the baby. I know you've talked about being in control of the labor experience, but I don't think that can ever be completely achieved. Anything can happen during labor! You never know how the baby will present itself, how fast you'll dilate (or NOT dilate and have to keep yourself from pushing - true torture, I assure you!), or if the cord is wrapped around its neck...I guess we can each have our own plan for managing the pain, but as far as the actual labor experience progresses, I feel I just need to be flexible and be able to adjust to whatever problems may arise. There are just too many risks that I can see when birthing at home for me to agree to that.
Just my thoughts, but I have heard wonderful stories when all goes well. I'm interested to see what you hear/learn at the "lunch lounge". Do pass it on when you get a chance!
I would love to do a home birth, and hope to be able to the next time I have a baby. I'll have to talk to you in person...I think anything I write will not be coherent:)
Before I had a baby, I had always wanted to have a home birth, all natural. With Madalynn (my oldest) we decided to go with the hospital birth and hire a doula. I wrote up a birth plan and my experience was great. Madalynn had swallowed some mechonium (sp?) during birth and would have had some MAJOR complications if we had been at home. I love doulas! I wanted to do a home birth with the others, but we always just felt as though we should just go to the hospital. I would rather just deal with nurses and stuff like that than chance loosing a baby. Quinton and I both almost didn't make it out of it. I think it is always better safe than sorry. Good luck with whatever you choose.
I had a home birth with Natalie - on accident! She was delivered by a fireman. I'm so thankful everything worked out ok, it was crazy. I don't think I'd choose to do it again, on purpose, because I think the risks outweigh the benefits. I am, though, highly in favor of natural births. My experience with Haley was that you can kinda have the best of both worlds. I delivered at El Camino Hospital. They monitored Haley during the labor but mostly let me do my own thing.
I think you know I'm planning a home birth for this baby. I am really excited about it. I had a great hospital birth experience with Asher--a midwife attended the birth. But I hate the stress of trying to decide when to get to the hospital, getting there in the middle of labor, being poked, etc. I was left mostly alone when I wanted to be but the whole process of going there and being there still disrupted my ability to manage my labor as well as I would have liked.
I am really looking forward to just doing my thing at home without all these interruptions. My midwife will come to me. She will have oxygen and other things to assist if needed. She will also help us prepare our home for the messy aspect of things and stick around to clean up. She will then be coming back in 3 days to check on me and baby again. And I will of course have a 6 week check up too.
We live less than 10 minutes from a hospital should the need to transfer arise but I really do have confidence in my body's ability to birth normally. I am looking forward to it. :-)
All that said, home birth is not for everyone. You need to birth where YOU feel most comfortable. If that is in a hospital, great. And obviously some people have medical reasons why they must be in a hospital.
I'm sure I'll have LOTS more to say about this once I've had this baby.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that you should read Ina May Gaskin's "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth". It has tons of wonderful birth stories in it and truly gives women the confidence to trust their bodies and understand the birth process.
These are my thoughts:
Home births and midwives freak me out. I know that the business of midwives has come a long way, but my cousin had an extremely hard time conceiving, so when she got pregnant, it was big news and very exciting. She already had one child, so it wasn't like her body didn't know what to do. She used midwives for the second pregnancy (don't know about the first) and all was going fine - no complications or anything that they could tell. Then, when it was time to deliver the baby, something happened and my cousin lost her infant, and had to have a hysterectomy. Not everyone has horror stories like that, but just one that close to me is enough for me to keep my doctor, and go through the ropes and whatever red tape of the hospital.
...But I can see where there is appeal to a home birth and midwives.
birth opinions. the best topic.
i have a friend who recently had a baby and would have died right then and there if she hadn't been in a hospital.
no thanks to those chances. it's not worth it...
My mom had home births for her last 5 children. She has all these little mamas up in Sacramento that are totally into it and they've all had happy experiences. Plus, our whole family got to witness these births. Not sure if that's what you're going for...
Her last birth #10, was in a warm bath dealio and she was under some kind of hypnosis. She said it was the best ever, I wasn't there for that one but I understand she wore a tankini and loved it!
I had a fine hospital experience and loved being babied by the nurses. I also liked being away from my house, I felt like I was on another planet, resting, admiring my baby, having my baby admired, no computer time just our little family in our own little world. Oh, and I loved eating the food! It wasn't hospital food, it was from the cafe across the st that the hosp uses. Justin was totally jealous!
PS. The hospital also has an optional masseur come massage you for 30 min during your recovery-- who can beat that for a first delivery experience?
Someday I may try home birthing-- maybe around child 4... :)
I've had three of my four children at home and wanted to take a minute to respond.
First, if mess is your only reservation, it's really not that messy and the midwife cleans up what every mess there is.
Second, babies and mothers die in the hospital too. The US is ranked below all other developed nations for maternal and fetal outcome.
Third, if you try, you can tell intuitively or spiritually whether this is something you should do. I've had emergency situations and normal situations and I've know somewhere deep inside that something was wrong before it ever happened. Not everyone has that ability, but I do believe it is something you can develop, if you desire.
Midwives can handle a lot more situations than you might think. Also, a lot of things that may be considered emergencies can really work themselves out. For example, my third baby was 10 lbs 4 oz. and I did not tear, had I been seeing an o/b and at the hospital they would have pressured me into a c-section. My fourth baby was posterior (head down but facing out) and I had 37 hours of labor before she turned enough to come out and she was born facing my left leg. This also would have been a "reason" for a c-section.
I don't want to ignore that things can and do go wrong with homebirths, but I really don't want to over look that women and babies are harmed/die at the hospital even with (because of) the "highest quality care"
I know it can be nerve racking to choose homebirth, but that has more to do with social pressures than any scientific evidence.
Have you seen The Business of Being Born by Riki Lake?
It is about homebirth and addresses the mainstream audience.
Hey there! So, with my 2nd baby I did midwives at a birthing center within a hospital and absolutely *loved* it. Let me tell you why I loved it and we can talk more if you want to:
1) They skipped triage. When they found out I'd already had a baby they just said they figured I knew my body and gave me a room and never made me get checked or hang out in those cattle-call rooms where the nurse tells you if you're in labor or not... =)
2) They kept the lights low or off because I found I liked it better that way and they were totally cool with that. The lowered stimulation was so nice while laboring.
3) They let me labor in the bathtub and when I didn't want to get out they just checked my progression in there
4) They never made me get an IV or a hep-lock and let me eat/drink whatever and whenever I wanted
5) They didn't care what I was (or wasn't) wearing.
6) They let me birth in any position I wanted
7) I still had an option for an epidural if I wanted it (I didn't end up using it, but I wanted the option to birth however I wanted - including with medication if I wanted it)
8) I ended up having a complication with the baby (shoulder dystocia) and the doctors were right there in a second to help revive my baby
9) I had my own recovery room and (like you mentioned) I LOVED the food and LOVED being waited-on hand and foot with just my new baby by my side in seclusion.
10) Never once did I get pricked or poked. It was all very calm and natural.
Let me know if you want more information! I found in general that midwives just had a different approach to birth. I actually really enjoyed my Ob/gyn with my first baby and had a good birthing experience with her, but with the midwife I felt very much in charge of my own birth and she was there to just help facilitate that - not the other way around. I felt very empowered because of that and I really believe it made my 2nd birth go much smoother and faster.
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