Parenting Breakthrough

I'm sure if you're a parent you have the occassional epiphany about your parenting...well I have very few of them, but I did have one last night.

First, this pic has nothing to do with the epiphany except, give your kid a cookie and they're pretty happy with you (for the moment anyway). I told them before we went they could each pick out one thing to buy at the farmers market. Hazel picked the most expensive cookie available--$3!!! I hate keeping my word sometimes. They split it since it was technically two cookies with filling. Is that still keeping my word?Last night I had a small breakthrough moment. I was thinking about the day and about another one of Hazel's meltdowns and how I handled it. I was completely calm and after thinking about it, decided I would react the same way and there just simply wasn't a way for me to get her to stop screaming.

I've beat myself up quite a bit with my parenting feeling like I'm always the worst mom ever and why does my daughter scream and meltdown so much (not around others much so this may sound like a different kid than the one you know). I keep thinking that if I were a better mother, she wouldn't have her emotional trauma and if she did that I would be able to quickly resolve it and everyone would be happy.

For a while I've been thinking back on variouss instances where I've handled things well and poorly and with the well ones where I don't think I would change much but she would probably still have her MD's (meltdowns:). I've thought about how I can relate to her emotional highs and lows and intense feelings and how I myself can remember times when I wanted to just react a certain way and there wasn't anything anybody could do to calm me down, all I really wanted to know was that someone cared, and I think that's all she really needs in the end.

So that's how I've tried to react. Trying to still have boundaries, but letting her know how much I love her and make it easy for her to come to me when she's done (or to let me come to her).

It was such an ah ha moment for me that even super-moms probably have kids that have issues. I've felt like such a failure mom for (ever?) so long because I believed if I was good enough and handled things in just the right way, I'd get the right response, happy, well-behaved children. Well, they generally are those, so I guess that's good.

While I still think there's some truth to that reasoning, I think you can still be a "pretty good" mom and your kids will have their issues despite your best (and sometimes even correct) efforts. After I laid City down for her "nap" (playtime in crib), I helped Hazel clean up an accident (she's had a bunch lately which is a seperate, strange issue since she never has them) and when I was bent over, she patted my back and said, "You good Mommy." I wasn't sure what she was trying to say, was I doing a good job or was I a good mommy? I asked if she said I was a good mommy and she said, "Yeah, you good mommy" and gave me a love. It was the sweetest thing ever!!!!!!!!!!!! It made me so happy.

After that while we were still in the bathroom she asked what she do to clean up the kitchen. ! She's been doing that ever since she earned M&M's ONCE for it but she keeps helping! I said that I thought the kitchen was pretty clean and she said, "I think it's pretty dirty," and kept asking how she could help.

Parenting is getting better! Hooray!

Here are some pics of Hazel going in for a kiss:

This is how City responds 99% of the time.

I loooove this picture.

And this one.

And this one.

Q: Have you thought about this?

Q: Have you had a parenting epiphany?